Raise a flag

Shall I hide in a habit?
Climb the highest mountain?
Shall I raise up my friends?
And bring down my enemies?

Shall I run away toward security and to belong?
Shall I run blindly after pleasure after pleasure?
Shall I seek to fill up ‘the voices in my head’ with tunes, noise and chatter?
Then, run scared, unable to endure the deafening silence, and being in a state of limbo

Shall I listen to ‘the voices in my head?’
Ideologies, commands, words of Gods and humans
Keeping us forever stuck in a battle of
Good versus Bad, for we must pick a side

For the world to go on?
To travel its uncharted course?
Birth, decay, death and rebirth?
Old stories and new stories?

Shall I conquer the world?
Make a million dollars?
Make myself useful in your eyes
And raise up a flag to belong?

It just feels to me sometimes it’s
all just but a game with strange rules
A tug of war; exclusion/inclusion
Usefulness/uselessness; obey/disobey

Ending only in pain and disappointment
Even when you have a flag to raise and plant at the top

So (knowingly or unknowingly);

We have opinions
We fill the days
We try to belong
We raise a flag

But some days I don’t know
What to do with myself
Except to be on my own
And do absolutely nothing

I have no sermon (and no God to please or displease)
No version of my world to defend or save
No one to punish, nor take hateful revenge on
No mountains outside to climb

My mountains are inside me
Although I have no idea about
The contours I am climbing
Nor a measurement of altitudes

Nor how cold or how lonely
My darkest nights will be
Nor how many times I will fall
Provoked by avalanches and storms

I’d rather a morphine less dreamy dream
I’d rather not opine, I’d rather be quiet
I’d rather I could walk away, unprovoked
I’d rather be the poor, naked, mad beggar on the street

But I’ve got to find myself a flag to raise
Or be excluded in this game with rules
And causes to support, defend or put down
I’ve got to pick a side, godly versus the devilish

So I have opinions
So I fill the days
So I try to belong
So I raise a flag
(and take others’ down)

The pain of being alone
Is much too much to bear
Accepting we come and go alone
Is not a worthy cause at all

So some days when I don’t know
What to do with myself
I raise a flag to belong
To take my existence seriously

I give myself a name
I give myself a shape
I give myself a voice
I give myself a texture
I fill myself with emotions
And I raise a flag to belong
Even when I have none to raise
And I know this is a lonely journey
I must make alone, a treacherous path
Of my choosing and yet not of my choice
Destined by fate and propelled by karma
With nothing but pain and disappointment
No matter how many flags I raise

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